That is me! I just went from zero to heroine *winks* in a matter of minutes… I’m something, right?
I woke up this morning feeling like I’m carrying the world on my head. I felt so down and totally depressed.
I took a good look at my life… and it was a long look… and I just cried within myself, “what the heck am I living for?”
I don’t have a job. I can’t find a job… since I left my last job in 2010, it’s like the labour market has turned its back on me. I haven’t been able to get another job. I have submitted application after application and still… no interviews! I got a loan to start a business and made an investment that went completely wrong… lost all the money I invested in the business. I got another loan last year and started another business… a jewelry importation business. My first order was a total fiasco… jewelries were fake! I lost a huge part of my investment again.
I managed to get back on my feet and made fresh orders. Luckily it went right this time… and I made some money. It looked for a while like things were about to start prospering. M. and I somehow started recuperating our losses. Then it happened again!
From nowhere, puppies started to die one after the other (we are in the dog kennel business). Once again all was lost. And with that loss 2013 ended.
As the year turned, I entered back into the labour market with a vengeance. I readjusted my CV. Prowled the internet daily for vacancies. Submitted CVs to several organisations. Even tried unsolicited applications. But still nothing. The one time I got an interview invitation call, I rejoiced and thanked God, but it turned it to be a company putting up fake job adverts.
So this morning it all just overwhelmed me. This life that I am living. The sheer emptiness of it all. I had as usual come online and read through my blog for comments and went through other sites where I make posts and it just hit me then… the only thing that is giving me joy… my writing… was not making waves as I had hoped. As I had dreamed it will.
The burden of life weighed on me then.
I pray… at least I used to. Now I am just too sad and empty to pray. What more do you ask for when you have made requests to your Father and have gotten no response?
I looked at my writing and I wanted to pack it all up and just… forget it. Let it all go.
I cried and my dearest hub and best friend, M. came to my rescue. He talked. I cried, objected and argued. But he kept talking and I soon stopped arguing and started listening…
That was when it hit me… I will always be Zero if I keep giving up and stop fighting.
I hunger, long desperately for the day when I get a call and it’s a Publisher telling me they just have to publish my work. I long for that day. I long for the day when my blog stats start to read in thousands and then run into millions… wouldn’t that just be awesome? *laughs*
I long for the day when articles and stories I post on other blogs and sites, garner mind-blowing hits and comments. I long for the day when someone rushes over to me and desperately requests my autograph.
Yeah, I hunger and long for these things… what writer doesn’t?
But if I give up now and pack up the stories and drop my pen and never open let alone update my blog again… that dream, that wish, that longing would forever remain just that – a dream, a wish, a longing.
And that is when the hero or should I say the heroine in me took over.
My name is Theodora. And I am not giving up.
Not on my blog. Not on my books. Not on the job search. Not on my trying for a baby. Not on my business. Not on Manuscript submissions. And definitely not on LIFE!
I have gone from ZERO to HERO.
Heroes are not made when their achievements are finally acknowledged; when their works are finally recognized. When they are finally appreciated. NO. Heroes and heroines are made when they make up their minds never to give up and to continue to fight the good fight and hang in there until they come out triumphant.
So *grinning like a Cheshire cat*, I welcome you all again to my blog. I invite to keep reading… even when I bore you to death *winks*… I ask of you to keep leaving your highly valued comments and criticisms if you have any Cos I have come to stay. I am not giving up.
The Hero in me has come alive…
Watch out world, for here I come!