A woman visits a fortuneteller who tells her, “Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.”
Visibly shaken, the woman takes a few deep breaths, steadies her voice and asks, “Will I be acquitted?”
An old couple celebrates their 50th wedding anniversary in their home.
“Just think,” the old man says, “we were sitting here at this same breakfast table, naked as jaybirds, 50 years ago.”
“Well,” the old lady snickers, “what do you say — should we get naked?”
The two immediately strip to the buff and sit back down at the table. “You know, honey,” the little old lady says slyly, “My breasts burn for you now as they did 50 years ago.”
“I’m not surprised,” replies the old man. “One’s in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!”
Searching for the Perfect Man
A woman got married, but her husband was abusive.
She got remarried and that husband ran out on her.
She got married again and that husband failed in bed.
Finally, she put an ad in the paper: “Looking for a man who won’t abuse me, won’t leave me, and won’t fail me in bed.”
The next day, the doorbell rings. There is a man with no arms and no legs.
“Hello, I saw your ad in the paper,” he says.
“Tell me a little about you.”
“Well, I have no arms, so I can’t hit you. I have no legs, so I can’t run out on you,” he replies.
“How do I know you’re good in bed?” she asks.
He says, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”
**Smh, can’t guarantee that third one, but she’d got to try, right? LOL. Have a great weekend, y’all.